↑ Me and Lincoln. Good times.
Hey all you public-radio-listening, public-park-visiting, public-education-crusading, gay-alien-loving liberal scum! It’s me, Birdbrain—you may have seen my thought leadership in such educational books as Don’t Let the Republican Drive the Bus!
Wow am I excited! Congress is back in session and my fellow Republicans and I are hellbent on another government shutdown! Why? Planned Parenthood blah blah Freedom Caucus blah—who cares! The important thing is we’re Starving the Beast!
COUNTDOWN TO DECEMBER GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN
Estimated cost of GOP’s previous government shutdown according to Standard & Poor’s: $24 Billion!
- About $3.1 billion in lost government services (hear how I hissed government?)
- $152 million per day in lost travel spending (like I need to leave my house and miss a FOX broadcast?!)
- $76 million per day lost because of National Parks being shut down (when can we mine the uranium?)
- $217 million per day in lost federal and contractor wages in the Washington DC metropolitan area alone (what better proof government is too big!)
WHY shutdown the government?! Do you really have to ASK?!
We promise to make this country great again — just like it was on 1/19/2009.
Yeah, maybe the economy was in freefall then, but there’s a “free” in freefall, so it had to be good.