Danny Lama: Mantras and JIF

Danny Lama, little known brother of the Dalai Lama, gives advice to our readers. Catch wind of his crazy wisdom. This week: Mantras and JIF.

Dear Danny:

I’ve heard that by doing mantras, one can achieve altered states. Can you recommend any good mantras for that? —Hendrix Fan

DANNY LAMA:

Hendrix Fan, I hear you, and I’m here to help.

One of my favorite mantras is: Bounce House, Bundt Cake, Bounce House, Bundt Cake.

Repeat that for like an hour, morning and night.

Do any other words or phrases just make you feel good to say? Write them down. Mix and match. Repeat. Altered states achieved.

~~~

Dear Danny:

I find myself dreading visits with my in-laws. My brother-in-law is super difficult. On his last visit, I got out a jar of peanut butter and he screamed at me for not using JIF. I didn’t even know JIF still existed. —Oh No Bro

DANNY LAMA:

JIF? Wow, man.

Okay, I recommend knocking your brother-in-law out with some sleeping pills. Then pull his pants down and put YOUR peanut butter on his butt.

Bring in a dog (if it’s his dog, that would be ideal).

When your brother-in-law wakes up to the licking, say “Looks like somebody likes my peanut butter!”

That should shut him up for at least the holidays, and make him think twice about disrespecting your choices.

 

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