The Top 10 Questions of the Week

10.

If Chicago dyes rivers green to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, why can’t we dye rivers orange to celebrate National Toxic Mining Day?

9.

Should other companies follow Amazon’s lead and name themselves after a damaged ecosystem, then whip workers into a state of extreme anxiety so they can’t stop and think about their complicity in the destruction of said ecosystem/s?

8.

If ancient Roman rulers believed they could prevent an uprising by providing a steady supply of “bread and circuses,” how much better would our lives be if we started a massive public works project to build circuses and bakeries in every city nationwide?

7.

Is there going to be a Gay Outta Compton and will it also have a $60 million dollar opening weekend?

6.

If Elvis Presley possessed Madonna, and Quentin Tarantino was correct when he said the song “Like a Virgin” was about getting “dick, dick, dick, dick, dick,” then what does that really say about The King of Rock?

5.

If Jared didn’t lose so much weight eating Subway sandwiches, and found himself more unattractive, and stayed in his apartment to order more pizza, wouldn’t we all be better off?

4.

Are we now expected to ditch Superman and put our faith in Ant-Man just because the future belongs to the cockroach?

3.

How much electricity would it take for rookie Tyler Lockett to literally electrify the home crowd in his Seahawks debut?

2.

If there is a heaven, did Rowdy Roddy Piper just issue a challenge to Randy “Macho Man” Savage to see who—once and for all—would be the true Celestial Wrestling Federation Champion?!

1.

Past a certain age, aren’t we all retroactively proud of our nude photos?

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