That Wasn’t Me

↑ Play “That Wasn’t Me”

The song is more than someone making an apology. It’s a confession that comes only after completely breaking down to the point where no shred of self-deception remains.

When I first heard That Wasn’t Me by Brandi Carlile, I wasn’t in the right space to really hear it, but the first chorus hit me in the gut enough that even as I stopped the song, I knew I’d have to come back to it one day to really listen when I was ready. That was yesterday.

To be wrong all along and admit it, is not amazing grace

The song is more than someone making an apology. It’s a confession that comes only after completely breaking down to the point where no shred of self-deception remains. The confession comes in the form of questions, but the way those questions are asked makes it clear we know the answers all too well.

Did I lie through my teeth?
Did I cause you to stumble on your feet?
Did I bring shame on my family?
Did it show when I was weak?

Then begins a promise that, at face value, could seem like the height of denial.

That wasn’t me, oh that wasn’t me

The way that line is delivered tells us this isn’t merely more self-deception. This is a person who sees what they’ve done being rooted in separation and alienation from themselves. A person re-awakened to their underlying fundamental goodness and wisdom. A heart that wants to return to that.

The song is entirely personal, but this morning, as I woke up with images of humanity’s latest hateful crimes in my mind, and That Wasn’t Me in my head, I felt it was a song for the human race.

Whatever you’ve seen, that wasn’t me
That wasn’t me, oh that wasn’t me

Our inhumanity to each other is rooted in separation and alienation from ourselves. Yet I’d like to believe we are a people slowly re-awakening to our own underlying fundamental goodness and wisdom. We are hearts that want to return to that.

Do I make myself a blessing to everyone I meet?
When you fall I will catch you on your feet
Do I spend time with my family?
Did it show when I was weak?
When that’s what you’ve seen, that will be me
That will be me, that will be me
That will be me

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