Top 10 Questions of the Week

10.

How many times in a row has Kim Davis listened to the Elvis song “Cold Kentucky Rain” in jail—and how long before her fellow inmates, who thought it was kinda cool at first, take matters into their own hands?

9.

When a police officer attempts to kill a black man, but accidentally shoots himself in the process, and the black man helps the injured officer, then, for fear of getting shot in the back, takes the officer’s gun and runs away, how could our judicial system find a way to imprison the black man for attempted murder—and theft of the gun?

8.

In the not-too-distant future will we look back on the good old days when New York only flooded once a year?

7.

When we project the current annual escalations of wildfires into the future along with the current escalation of sea-level rise, in what year can we just sit back and relax while rising oceans extinguish all the continents engulfed in flames?

6.

Is it finally over for Tim Tebow?

5.

Given the planetary destruction caused by fossil fuels, and man’s corollary need for a clean energy source, plus his need to be less obese, less diabetic, and have an income, wouldn’t it make sense for power plants to hire men to run on large hamster-wheel-electric-generators, or genetically engineer giant horse-hamsters to run on them, or clone Tim Tebow (he’s apparently available and good at running)?

4.

When whites in America become a minority in 2044, will they be okay with non-whites using the word “minority” as a dismissive, pejorative, passive-aggressive put-down?

3.

When billionaire buffoons like Donald Trump run for office, can we allow it on the condition that, after their inevitable loss, they have to pay a billion dollar fine and star in a porno opposite an animatronic Wall Street bull titled I’m Feeling Bullish?

2.

If you’re a libertarian who believes in the free availability of guns and drugs, could you one day wake up and realize, “Oh, I guess I was wrong because, y’know, I understand how people think and behave now”?

1.

If the energy created by one’s decomposing body could be captured by a coffin and converted into electricity that powered a motor that made you spin in your grave whenever relatives uttered certain phrases into their smart phones, could that energy be considered sustainable?

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